A Fierce and Fiery Protector: Reflections from Day One of IFS-Informed EMDR Training
Today marked the beginning of Step Two in my IFS-informed EMDR training, and as part of the learning process, we engaged in practice sessions with fellow clinicians. During one of the exercises, I stepped into the role of the client. Our focus was to explore a protective part—and I chose one I’ve worked with and written about before: the part of me that wants to win.
I selected this part because it felt familiar and safe. I’ve spent time getting to know its purpose, its origin, and the ways it has tried to support me over the years. It felt like a solid choice for a practice demo, but as is often the case when we begin to engage with our parts, other parts can emerge—sometimes quite unexpectedly.
Partway through the exercise, another familiar part showed up. It's one I’ve internally nicknamed (perhaps a bit harshly) “Bitchy Cala.” She’s teenage in energy and likely around 14 to 17 years old. Bold. Blunt. Fiercely unapologetic. She says exactly what’s on her mind, often without concern for how it might affect others. Occasionally, she even creates conflict where there is none. Her protective strategy is clear: make it abundantly obvious that she’s not someone to mess with. Her role has always been to make sure no one could take advantage or hurt of me—and she’s done that job with intensity.
As I reflected on her presence, I recognized how this part, while deeply protective, doesn’t always align with Self energy. She often resists the calm, compassionate, and nuanced ways of leading that Self naturally offers. She prefers force over finesse. Directness over diplomacy. And yet, her boldness is rooted in something important: a commitment to safety and autonomy.
With time, care, and ongoing inner work, my relationship with this part has shifted. Self has been able to connect with her, not to silence her, but to listen—to honor her fire and her loyalty. Together, we’ve begun to find new ways of navigating the world: assertively, but with more balance. This part still visits from time to time, especially when old fears or perceived threats are near. But now, I recognize her. I pause. I listen. And I appreciate all the ways she’s tried to protect me.
Have you ever noticed a part of you that steps in loudly and fiercely—perhaps in ways that others find challenging—but that’s been doing its best to keep you safe? What might shift if you approached that part with curiosity and compassion, rather than judgment? What would it look like to invite that strength to work alongside Self, rather than in opposition to it?
Written By: Cala Ochs, MSW, LCSW