I thought that this event was over but quickly noticed I would relive this moment when I would cook, smelled smoke, and when I heard certain sounds. I couldn’t even manage the fire alarms at work, even knowing it was not a real fire. My body responded like it was real, like it was happening all over again. To avoid these images, body sensations, and feelings, I began taking precautions surrounding my triggers. After working with a therapist utilizing Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), I was able to reprocess and desensitize the event. After working through this, I was able to detect if the triggers were a real threat or just a false alarm. I was finally able to think about this memory without feeling an overwhelming amount of paralyzing panic.

When a child’s needs are met by their caregivers, they develop a secure bond. From this bond, a secure foundation develops for the child to be able to view themselves as lovable, capable, and worthy of having their needs met. From this secure base, the child is able to explore their world. When we become adults, this innate need for bonding and attachment does not go away. We ask our partners, “Are you there for me? Are you capable of meeting my needs?” That hardwired need for bonding is still important whether we are 2-years-old or 92-years-old. The basic and essential need for secure relationships and connection never goes away, despite, maybe at times, our effort to tell ourselves otherwise.