My Solo Expedition to Animal Kingdom: A Journey into the Self
I recently found myself back in Orlando for my oldest daughter’s cheer competition. And, like a recurring (but magical) dream, we were headed toward Disney World yet again. Now, I know I’ve already written about Disney but bear with me—this trip had a completely different internal frequency.
The day presented a fork in the road. My daughter and her teammates were, understandably, desperate to stay and watch the other cheer teams compete.
But what about me? My Protector parts started doing the math. I had a pass for Animal Kingdom, and this was quite literally my last chance to use it before it expired.
Usually, the "People Pleaser" or the "Mom" parts of my system would have insisted I stay at the competition, even if I wasn't needed. But this time, I listened to a different voice—one that wanted to honor my own desires and resources. So, I did something I never do, I went to the park alone.
Going to a theme park alone wasn’t just about riding roller coasters; for me, it was a guided tour through my own internal landscape. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, I stepped into the park not as one person, but as a system of parts—some of whom were thrilled, and some of whom were terrified.
The Judge and the Lonely Child
As soon as I tapped my MagicBand at the entrance, my Protectors clocked in for their shift.
The Mind-Reader Part: This part was hyper-vigilant, scanning the crowds. It whispered, "Everyone is looking at you. They think it's sad that you're here alone." Its job was to protect me from social shame by trying to get me to "blend in" or hide.
The Only Child (The Exile): This part carries a heavy burden of historic and persistent loneliness. Growing up as an only child, this part learned that "fun" is only real if it’s reflected by someone else. Standing in a 75-minute line for Flight of Passage, this part felt exposed and uncomfortable, convinced that joy without company is somehow "less than."
Navigating the Discomfort
Instead of pushing these feelings away or letting them run the show, I tried to stay in Self-Energy. I acknowledged the discomfort. I told that "Only Child" part, "I see you. It's okay to feel lonely right now, but I’m here with you."
I told that “mind reader” part: "You’re right, they might be thinking that. But they don’t know me. They don’t know my story. Their narrative isn't my reality."
It was a pivotal moment of grounding. I realized I had been living in a "made-up reality" constructed by a protective part that was just trying to keep me from feeling rejected. By staying rooted in what I know to be true—that I am a capable woman enjoying her final pass day—the Mind-Reader didn't have to work so hard anymore. I wasn't lonely; I was finally getting to know myself.
The Shift: Empowerment and Liberation
Once I validated those anxious parts, something incredible happened. My Self took the driver's seat. I began to experience the 8 C’s of IFS:
Curiosity: I noticed details in the Tree of Life I usually miss while chatting with friends.
Calm: I navigated the crowds at my own pace.
Confidence: I realized I could handle an hour-long wait without a "buffer" person.
I did every ride I wanted. I changed my plans on a whim. I ate when I was hungry and rested when I was tired.
The Takeaway: No Time Wasted
I walked out of the park feeling empowered, proud, and liberated. I didn't let my time go to waste waiting for a "companion" to make my life happen.
I proved to my system that I am a reliable companion for myself. I am not "alone"; I am in the company of a complex, beautiful system of parts that I am finally learning to lead.
Reflecting on the IFS Journey:
The Burden: The belief that "Fun requires a witness."
The Unburdening: Discovering that Self-Energy is the only witness I truly need to validate an experience.
A Reflection for Readers:
"If the parts that crave 'company' or 'approval’ were able to step aside just for one afternoon, where would your Self lead you? What is the 'Animal Kingdom' adventure you’ve been putting off?"
Written By: Cala Ochs, MSW, LCSW